Now when you look at that, it looks so dramatic and far away. The reality is, of course, its just four months, and then I will be back to swooping around the nest. But right now as I lay here on the couch that has become my second home, listening to the rain and the sound of my host-moms keyboard, 4 months seems like such a long time. I wonder how much will change in those months? On one hand its hardly enough time to be missed, and on the other its far too long to keep things the same. Time ticks along, and when the clock hits New Years nothing will be "the same." Which isnt a bad thing, just how it is.
So the past few days when I have been saying my see-you-laters, my constant reassurance to my loved ones in Jax has been "I'll be home before you know it!" And more often than not the response I get is "Home here or home Pensacola?" and then I turn around and check Facebook and my friends in Jordan are asking "Are you coming home while you're abroad??" and of course there is the text I sent my mom, "I'll be home tomorrow! Love you!" Home. A word that I use to describe more than one area, in more than one way, at any given moment. Home. And it really got me thinking- what is home? Why is it that I use the word so loosely and what does it really mean to me? Well i've been mulling it over for a few days, and I think I have finally come up with an answer. Bear in mind this is my own personal opinion, although some of you out there may identify with my reasoning. So lets take a dive in to the way my life works and figure out how I can come home.
There are a million and ten perfectly acceptable definitions for the word "home". Its your permanent place of residence, where your family is, where you were born. Well none of those work for me, because I dont reside permanently anywhere, my family is spread out all across the US (although family is another matter entirely, because I have my blood relatives, the people who helped raise and influence me, and friends that have transcended the regular bond and are now a part of what I would definitely call family. But thats another story for another day.) and I only lived in my country of birth for about a month. So while those may work for some people, they just dont cut it in my mind. Another common definition is home is where you're heart is. Well if thats the case, I am in serious trouble. My poor heart has been spread out in so many directions- obviously huge chunks of it belong in Pensacola, Amman, and Jacksonville. But there are also pieces in Washington D.C, Alabama, Palestine, and other places that captured my attention and stole a piece of my affection. Places I love, full of people I love, and would return to in a heartbeat. I'm fairly certain Morocco is going to end up on that list as well, so theres another piece to consider. Growing up my parents have always said "home is where your toothbrush is" and while in the past that has been the most accurate, more and more it just doesnt quite fit. Sure my toothbrush goes pretty much everywhere with me, but I have no personal attachment to it. I throw them away without a second thought, and what would that say about "home?" No no, still not really it. There are many more definitions and ideas out there but as i'm sure you're getting bored with reading this (its late and I'm probably rambling) i'll cut to the chase.
To me, home is wherever you are. And I dont mean you my reader (although your presence, physically and otherwise, is important to me) I mean that wherever in the world you may be, that is home. Because the sense of happiness, security, peace, anxiety, fear or hope you go to sleep with is what wakes you up the next day, and what constantly reminds you of what you're working for. From the hills of Amman to the sandy beaches of Pensacola, to me home is where I am at any given moment. Walking around Disney world with my best friend. Star gazing with an astronomy class. Running across campus in the rain, barefoot and cold. Home is more than just a building or location, or tie to your birthplace (Even though I totally love claiming my African roots). To me, its a very real and very personal feeling. Home is where I am happy, and where I am happy is wherever life has me.
So when I say I will be home, I mean that I will be back. Its one semester (which does seem like a lifetime) and even though I will find home in Ifrane, I do plan on returning to the nest that encouraged me to spread my wings and fly. So its bittersweet that wrap this up, and fly out tomorrow towards a new and strange destination. To all my loves in the States (especially my UNFers) I will be home soon. To all my loves outside the States, I'm coming home!
If you get lost, you can always be found. Just know you're not alone,
Cause I'm gonna make this place your home.
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